Friday, July 28, 2017

Death of a Dream

Ten of Air from The Gaian Tarot

A little over 19 years ago now my parents, younger sister and niece and my baby sister all moved back to NH from PA, but I was unable to move with them at the time since I was still married and we had two children. There wasn't an easy way to move our family of four there to join everyone, and he didn't want to anyway, so we stayed here. A year later we got divorced and I had to give him custody of our sons since I had nobody to watch them unless all of my income went to childcare, plus he made a lot of threats that I believed he'd follow through on. 

However, from that moment on I kept dreaming of the day that I could move back home and join my family--once my sons were grown up. It was a long wait and every visit home made it harder. Visiting the lakes and mountains, the ocean and all of the wonderful sights that are part of my home state just made me long to go there even more.

Seven years ago, I married a man who loves that area as much as I do and we started to talk about moving back there once the kids were all adults and on their own. It's an area that is very supportive of small businesses and has few large chain stores, and I've always dreamed of having my own shop. We looked on at houses for sale and made plans and spun our dreams, and waited while they all started jobs and college--and even while his younger son had a delay in his education. 

Finally, we started to look forward to selling our house in PA in spring of 2018--and I started making all kinds of plans for what we could do. Then we realized our two youngest are in serious relationships that are likely to lead to marriage and children. Our grandchildren. 

I grew up in NH with my nuclear family being all that I had since my Dad is from Evanston,IL and my Mom is from Troy, NY. I never really knew my grandparents that well despite visiting them twice a year, and I don't know my extended family hardly at all. Since they moved to NH when my sons were so young, they hardly know my side of the family at all. We decided after a long, hard discussion that we're not going to move after all. 

It's not easy to let go of a dream you've held for so long, especially when it means staying in an area that feels toxic to you rather than getting to move to where you really feel at home. After all, we live in a valley that's polluted by toxins from coal mining, industrial waste and now hydrofracturing for natural gas. You can't eat the fish out of the waters here and can't even swim in most of the water despite it being a valley full of rivers and streams. I miss the clean mountain streams at home where you can still drink the water--it's so pure that it's actually bottled for sale. 

But then the other day I pulled into our driveway after work and my stepson and his girlfriend were both parked in front of the house, and as a big smile crossed my face I let out a sigh and felt glad that I was coming home to this house in this place. This is where my family is now. This is where I'll help our kids plan weddings, attend those weddings, and welcome my grandchildren into the world--and that's the more important dream. 

I still want to have my own shop, and have decided that someday I will. For now, my husband and I are working on developing our dreams for here in PA. 

This is the true meaning of the Ten of Air, or Ten of Swords. The reason it's usually drawn in RWS clone decks as being so ghastly compared to the death card is because the death of a dream, plan or goal you've held for a long time always hurts more than any physical death, and it's harder to recover from it to create something new. Still, if you look over the horizon the sun is coming up over the mountains as a new day begins and those mountains present new challenges that can be scaled to see new vistas. New dreams, plans and goals are always possible.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Justice, Karma and Mitakuye Oyasin

Justice card from the Gaian Tarot

In the Justice card from the Gaian Tarot we see a man holding the burning heart and feather symbolic of Ma'at, making him into the scales of Justice as we all are in fact, for it is our actions that determine our Karma in this life. 

On this card, Joanna Powell Colbert featured many plants and animals that are becoming extinct. Something we forget is that if we keep going the way we are, we will also make ourselves extinct. The Lakota Sioux say "mitakuye oyasin", "all my relations" or "we are all related". That's not just a certain tribe or even just the human race--they're referring to all life, for the Native Americans have always understood that all life is related and if things are out of balance then they need to be brought back into balance or we'll all die. We are way too far out of balance today due to "civilization" and the greed that has caused such wasteful consumerism.

A decade ago Deepak Chopra was speaking of what would happen if all of the bees died off, that ALL life would die, whereas if humans died off all the rest of life on this planet would thrive. We are the single most destructive species on this planet, and only we can restore it--not completely, but perhaps enough to stop killing of all of its life. It's abundant, but it's not infinite if we destroy it faster than it can regenerate. 

I do my best to live "green", and I'm working on ways to do better. I thought I was doing well, recycling more than I put in the garbage, using more silverware than plasticware, etc...but I had a real rude awakening when my older niece, who is studying Environmental Science, commented that we really waste a lot in our household. It made me take a harsh look at my waste output. I can't get my husband and stepson to stop theirs, but I'll keep trying and in the meantime I'll keep working on my own. 

I'm watching "zero waste" videos to get ideas, seeing if perhaps there are uses for some of my trash and recycling. So I ask you to join me and take a look around. What more can you do to cut back on your waste? Remember, what you do affects me and what I do affects you--mitakuye oyasin.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Accepting Love

Joie de Vivre Tarot, Nature's Whispers Oracle Cards and AngloSaxon Runes

Over the past couple of days, my daily draws have been giving me readings about accepting love, something I have to admit that is a struggle for me. Although my father was great at being demonstrative and expressing his love, he wasn't home a lot as he was an airline pilot. My mother was not very good at showing her love, and she was the one that was home all of the time. The only way she knew to express love was to take us shopping for stuff or to make stuff for us. To this day, she can't say, "I love you" and the first hug I can remember getting from her was when I was forty-one and getting my third divorce from someone who was very controlling.

So, while I'm wonderful at giving and showing love to others, I struggle with accepting it from them. I actually broke up with a guy because of this back in my teens. We had a summer romance when we met at the time share that each of our families owned a week in, and in that week we fell madly in love with each other, and then we returned home. He wrote me love letters, and I just couldn't accept how he felt about me when he put it in writing. It made me very uncomfortable, so I broke things off with him.

As a healer, I give generously of my time and energy to others, but I struggle to allow it for myself. I have bought things rather than put that money towards a much-needed chiropractic treatment and massage, for example, because those would be giving myself the gift of loving care--kind of like giving myself a hug rather than stuff. It's also hard for me to allow time to sit in meditation rather than to be doing "something more constructive". 

I'm working on a reset of my emotional programming through Shadow Work and Inner Child Work, combining Tarot, self-coaching and Reiki. Again, allowing this to be a priority for my time has taken effort and discipline, but now that I'm doing it, I find it enjoyable. As I do this work, it gets easier to allow myself to love myself enough to keep healing, and I have less of an inner void to fill, thereby I have less of a need for stuff and am actually working to pare down what I have. It's also allowing me to make my continuing education a priority so that I'm able to focus more on my studies. So if you see me around less on social media, you know why--that was a way I distracted myself and kept myself from allowing self-love to flourish in my life so that my life can flourish even more. 

I encourage you to ask what you can do to allow more love to flow in your life. What can you heal and how can you do so? Seek and you shall find the answers. 😊 ❤️

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

A Good Human Being

I was reflecting the other day about what it means to be a good human being. There are so many religions in the world that all have teachings and guidelines for what that means, and all are very similar--but being religious doesn't necessarily make someone a good human being. I've said before that there are those who you'd never know were Christians if they didn't tell you so--that can apply to many other religions. 

And then there are those whose religions teach them that they must eradicate all who don't believe as they do, and doing so makes them "better"--as they spread hatred and intolerance rather than love, all in the name of God.

So, in the end, what makes one a good human being? I don't care what your talk is, it's your walk that makes you a good human being. If you spend hours in meditation but walk past someone who is struggling, then you're not a good human being--yet even if you don't believe in God but you stop to help others or do volunteer work, then you're a good human being. 

It's funny, but I saw an article once about the Dalai Lama, it must have been for one of his visits to the US, that stated he was a better Christian than most Christians--as if Christianity was the only path that led one to walk in peace and love. There is this misconception that is spread in places of worship that only one religion, one way of doing things, leads us to walk such a path of good...and that as long as you're attending your place of worship, then you're a good person, you really don't have to do anything else. But that's not true.

I also see it amongst those in the spiritual community, the Lightworkers. Many are vegetarian or vegan, Democrats, and as judgmental as those in the religions they've eschewed for being so dogmatic. If you eat meat or vote Republican, then you're not as spiritual as them, because how could you be and eat meat and vote that way? 

I don't care what someone believes, or says they believe. I don't care which way anyone votes. I don't care how rich or poor they are, what kind of car they drive, how big or small their house and how much or how little stuff they have, for none of that is what tells me how good of a person they are--it's what they do in their daily lives. Do they take a moment to hold a door for someone who is struggling with an awkward load--or lend them a hand? Do they smile at a stranger? Are they kind to everyone they meet no matter what type of day they're having? Those are the things that matter to me. That's what makes a good human being. 

Monday, May 15, 2017

What Does It Mean to Be a Reiki Master?

There's a misconception implied with the word "Master" when one says "Reiki Master", for it doesn't mean that one is somehow a guru or a master of anything. I do not master, or control, Reiki...rather, I let it master, or guide, me and my life. 

Because I'm a Reiki Master, I do my best everyday to be mindful of how I walk the world. I smile at everyone, I go out of my way to help others without wanting anything in return. I spend time in prayer and meditation. Or perhaps I was called to become a Reiki Master because I was already doing these things. 

I know that it helps me to ground and center every day. I know that since I made the commitment to dedicate my life to Spirit and to Reiki, and became a Reiki Master/Teacher, that wonderful things happen in my life every day...but again, I was already finding that to be true. After all, Reiki led me to my wonderful husband who I met at a Reiki Share seven years ago when we were both Reiki II Practitioners. We became Reiki Master/Teachers together. We laughed during our two month whirlwind romance about how we were moving at the speed of spirit. (Yes, we got married on the two month anniversary of our first date...and that first date was seven years ago today.)

One difference I have noticed with getting that final attunement is that I can handle more energy flowing through me. It helps when I'm out in crowds or at psychic/spirit fairs. I'm clairsentient and an empath, and I find it helps a lot to have gotten my third level because having that channel opened further allows more energy to flow through me rather than into me, so I'm able to remain more balanced and grounded at all times. 

I know that when I relax and trust in Spirit, my life moves more smoothly, I'm less stressed and all of my problems get resolved. I send Reiki to them, and it all works out in wonderful ways. So, being a Reiki Master has nothing to do with mastering anything, rather it has more to do with having faith and allowing Reiki to work through me, following its guidance and trusting in its wisdom. 

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Meeting Challenges

Raven's Prophecy Tarot, Dreamtime Reading Cards & Anglo Saxon Runes

I started a new part time job a few weeks ago, driving a shuttle van for a company that had to get an overflow parking lot for some of its employees. The shift was perfect and I love to drive, and I couldn't believe that they actually pay me to do this job! It was supposed to entail driving a 12-passenger van, but I had lucked out and that was in the shop so I started it driving the rental "van", a Ford Expedition...still bigger than most things I've driven lately, but a regular vehicle, not a huge van. 

There are two other guys who split the week on the morning shift while I drive all week on the afternoon shift, and they've kept telling me how much I'd hate the van in comparison because it wasn't as comfortable and it's much bigger than we need for this. I've heard that for the whole month I've been there, so it was with trepidation that I heard we were getting the van back today and was asked to come in to help pick it up and drop off the rental. 

Adding to my fear is the fact that we have to back this van up into its spot at night if we can because there's a lot of traffic into that area in the morning that makes it hard to back it out. That was hard enough for me with the Expedition because I've never been good at backing any vehicle up...and amazingly, that wasn't one of the questions when I was hired, or I probably wouldn't have the job! 

As a matter of fact, my first day driving with the guy who showed me the ropes, when I had to back the Expedition into the spot for the van and it took me a few tries, he said, "I take it you're not a backer-upper." Keen observation! No, I'm not...I do back up out of my garage, but that's it, and I've wrecked one car doing that by backing it into the retaining wall beside the driveway. I'm more of a backer-outer, definitely not a backer-inner. He let me know it would be okay if I couldn't back it in, he'd rather I pull in than find me there in the morning still trying to get it straight in the spot. 

I decided that after 38 years of not being able to back into a spot, it was time to master this skill. Lo and behold, I've done it! I even occasionally back my car into a spot now! But ah...that 12-passenger van...that was still scary. Just the thought of driving it, especially as today was a very windy day--the kind that has knocked down trees in our area--made me very nervous. But, those cards in the picture at the top are from my daily draw! It's about successfully releasing your fears and negative emotions and enjoying the journey, or road. 

So again, I decided to meet the new challenges presented by this and I backed it up twice while I was on the mail run that we do because at two of the buildings, it looked easier to back in than it did to back out. I did a couple of practices in the lower parking lot as well...and by the time I parked it at the end of my shift, I actually backed it in straight between the lines! time you're faced with a challenge that fills you with trepidation, decide that if others can do it you can too--and you might just amaze yourself with what you find that you can do! 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Metaphysics--How Do You Define Your Practice?

I planned to do a discussion around a similar idea relating to what being a Reiki Master means to me, but then a friend did a vlog post by this title and I decided to do a video response to him...and I must say, it was much easier to discuss this in a video than to write it all out! I hope you enjoy this brief video.